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2004 BDA Golf Tournament Rules

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Rules to the golf tournament I played in this weekend:

1. Format is 4 man scramble – everyone tees off, picks the best ball, everyone hits from that same spot, continue this until the little white ball is in the little hole on the green. (That’s the flat place with the flag Caesar!) Team Records one score for each hole.

2. Teams will be picked from a blind draw before the round. Yes I’ll preside, and yes a couple pairs will be predetermined because some guys don’t know or trust the rest of you drunks like I do (besides, they helped us out big time by coming in late, the least we can do is let them play with a buddy. If it looks like we were taken and they intentionally brought in a ringer we’ll blanket party them in the parking lot. Or Julio can take on all 4 of them!)

3. Potter will be running the closest to the pin and the longest drive contests as usual. See Phil about getting into them and the specifics. (He’s not so trustworthy so count your cash at the end – he’s been known to tip the cart girls a little heavy after a few.) Hole 8 will be closest to the pin, and hole 16 will be the longest drive (BTW if you wanna compete here I recommend breaking Timmys arm before he gets there).

4. Each player is allowed 1 mulligan for the round; use it wisely. Ah screw it, use it on the closest to the pin or the longest drive like I know you will. “There ain’t no we in team either!”

5. Drink lots of beer and support your local cart girl – the economy needs the boost.

6. Try not to break anything, and if you do – RUN!

7. No carp killing.

8. Trash talking is not only allowed, it’s encouraged.

9. Get the side wagers rolling, it keeps things interesting when you’re 15 down – shot and/or beers whatever happens first.

10. If you don’t hit it past the ladies tee – you know what to do, and I accept no responsibility for indecent exposure tickets – you hit the damn thing.

11. No cheating, foot wedges, throwing the ball, point shaving, etc. Beer drinking is first and foremost, the golf and tourney are just an excuse to do it. Mostly, Have Fun – Golf is FUN God Damnit!!

12. And for those teams that are lucky enough to qualify for the prizes – 1st Place is $40/player, 2nd is $20/player and 3rd is $10/player.

Pitching Passion

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Eight things I didn’t know before watching The Passion Of The Christ last night:

1. Jesus had a brother. I can’t believe I didn’t know this.
2. The devil is a woman.
3. Somebody helped Jesus carry the cross.
4. Jesus stopped more than three times while carrying the cross to Mt. Golgotha.
5. It was Jesus of Nazareth who first said, “those who live by the sword will die by the sword”
6. Judas hung himself after his betrayal.
7. Jesus invented the chair.
8. Kit Kats bites are delicious.
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Eleven Is The Easiest Number That There Ever Was

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Eleven really easy things that will make my life exponentially better:

Start:
Setting stops on all my trades
Doing more work when at work
Fixing more meals
Using my work computer for more work stuff
Calling my friends more often
Studying and researching more

Stop:
Letting my dishes sit in the sink for more that a night
Staying at work past 6:00
Eating out so often
Staying out so late
Thinking more than doing

Book List

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Radcliffes List of the 100 best novels

1. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
2. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
3. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
4. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
5. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
6. Ulysses by James Joyce
7. Beloved by Toni Morrison
8. The Lord of the Flies by William Golding
9. 1984 by George Orwell
10. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
11. Lolita by Vladmir Nabokov
12. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
13. Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White
14. A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce
15. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
16. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
17. Animal Farm by George Orwell
18. The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
19. As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
20. A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
21. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
22. Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne
23. Their Eyes are Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
24. Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
25. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
26. Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
27. Native Son by Richard Wright
28. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey
29. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
30. For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway
31. On the Road by Jack Kerouac
32. The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
33. The Call of the Wild by Jack London
34. To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
35. Portrait of a Lady by Henry James
36. Go Tell it on the Mountain by James Baldwin
37. The World According to Garp by John Irving
38. All the King’s Men by Robert Penn Warren
39. A Room with a View by E.M. Forster
40. The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
41. Schindler’s List by Thomas Keneally
42. The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
43. The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
44. Finnegans Wake by James Joyce
45. The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
46. Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
47. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum
48. Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence
49. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
50. The Awakening by Kate Chopin
51. My Antonia by Willa Cather
52. Howards End by E.M. Forster
53. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote
54. Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger
55. The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie
56. Jazz by Toni Morrison
57. Sophie’s Choice by William Styron
58. Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner
59. A Passage to India by E.M. Forster
60. Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton
61. A Good Man Is Hard to Find by Flannery O’Connor
62. Tender Is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald
63. Orlando by Virginia Woolf
64. Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence
65. Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe
66. Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut
67. A Separate Peace by John Knowles
68. Light in August by William Faulkner
69. The Wings of the Dove by Henry James
70. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe
71. Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
72. A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
73. Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs
74. Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh
75. Women in Love by D.H. Lawrence
76. Look Homeward, Angel by Thomas Wolfe
77. In Our Time by Ernest Hemingway
78. The Autobiography of Alice B. Tokias by Gertrude Stein
79. The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett
80. The Naked and the Dead by Norman Mailer
81. Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys
82. White Noise by Don DeLillo
83. O Pioneers! by Willa Cather
84. Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller
85. The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells
86. Lord Jim by Joseph Conrad
87. The Bostonians by Henry James
88. An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
89. Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather
90. The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame
91. This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald
92. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
93. The French Lieutenant’s Woman by John Fowles
94. Babbitt by Sinclair Lewis
95. Kim by Rudyard Kipling
96. The Beautiful and the Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald
97. Rabbit, Run by John Updike
98. Where Angels Fear to Tread by E.M. Forster
99. Main Street by Sinclair Lewis
100. Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie
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The Big List

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Here’s a list of things, by category, which I would like to try to get accomplished before I die. Henceforth known as The Big List. Of course this list can be adjusted, pruned, expanded and thrown away as I see fit. Life is about crossing old things off and starting new things. I also understand some of these things are not necessarily attainable (see a UFO for instance) but I really, really would like it to happen. In addition, there are a number of things that I want to do in my life or improve upon but have no solid benchmark of completion such as “tell everyone close to me I love them” or “develop my level of spirituality”. You know, crap like that. Maybe they’ll be on another list someday but somehow I doubt it.

CREATIVITY
File a patent for a useful/useless gadget
To be published in some capacity, such as an article in a magazine
Develop my own film
Design and have made my own t-shirt
Create my own font
Brew my own beer
Make a souffle correctly

EVENTS
Run with the bulls in Pamplona
Visit Mexico during day of the dead festival
Visit Rio during Carnival
Attend burning man
Visit New Orleans during Marti Gras
Go to a Slayer concert
Go to a Grateful Dead concert
Celebrate New Years in Times Square

GIVE
Teach someone to read
Give $#,### to charity anonymously
Be an escort at an abortion clinic
Volunteer to a worthy cause for at least six months
Pay for the dinner/lunch ordered by the vehicle behind me in a drive-thru

GROW
Help raise a child
Grow a garden
Plant a tree in a place I’ll always be able to visit

LEARNING
Learn yoga
Learn how to sail
Learn how to ride a horse
Learn to play a musical instrument with some degree of skill
Learn to juggle
Learn to water-ski slalom
Learn to ride a motorcycle
Learn sign language
Learn to shoot a gun
Learn to ride a unicycle
Learn HTML
Learn to surf
Read all the books on this list
Memorize a poem I enjoy and pass it on to someone else
Complete a two or four-year degree
Learn to windsurf
Become a notary public

NAUGHTY
Get high on hash in a cafe in Amsterdam
Taste absinthe
Trip acid
Get drunk on Bourbon Street
Have sex in the ocean
Have sex on a forest floor
Have sex in a public place
Have sex on a train
Have sex on a boat
Have sex on a sailboat
Have sex on the kitchen table or kitchen floor
Have sex in a sleazy hotel
Spend all day in bed with a lover, only leaving it to eat or visit the bathroom
Spend the day at a nude beach
Fire an automatic weapon
Have nude photos taken
Take nude photos
Go skinny-dipping in the ocean
Get thrown out of K-Mart for disreputable behavior
Party down at the Whiskey A-go-go
Stay out all night in Manhattan
Become a member of the Mile High Club

OTHER
Experience zero gravity
Spend time in a sensory deprivation tank
Navigate a corn maze
Navigate a hedge maze
Be on TV
Be in a newspaper
Do something that makes someone say, “You know, I really admire what you did!”
Cook all my meals for a week
Do everything on this foodie list

POSSESIONS & SPOILS
Get comped a room in Las Vegas
Own a home
Be my own boss
Get a pedicure
Get a professional message
Be independently self-supportive
Be mentioned in a newspaper
Eat Peking Duck
Try to eat sea urchin again
Eat truffles (the fungus)
Eat a durian fruit
Get acupuncture
Throw a huge party and invite all my friends and family

RELIGEOUS & SUPERNATURAL
Do a Catholic confession
Attend prayers at a synagogue
Attend A Hare Krishna service
Attend a séance
Get hypnotized
See a UFO
See a ghost
Give a eulogy

SPORTS & EXERCISE
Do 100 consecutive push-ups
Scuba dive
Score above 200 bowling
Score below 100 in golf
Ski a double diamond slope
Helicopter ski
Ski Whistler/Blackcomb
Snowcat ski
Attend the Superbowl, World Series, US Open, Masters, Kentucky Derby, Indianapolis 500, Stanley Cup Finals, or the Olympics
Hike the Colorado Trail
Go white water rafting in class 5 rapids
Earn a belt in a martial art
Swim a mile without stopping
Go deep-sea fishing and catch a fish
Make it onto the jumbotron at a major sporting event
Spend three months getting my body into prime physical shape
Rock climb a route with several pitches
Swing on a trapeze
Swim with dolphins

SEE
See the aurora borealis
See the milky way
See a great white in the wild (while in the water)
See a whale in the wild (while in the water)
See all the movies on this list (being
See a tornado
See a full lunar eclipse
See an active volcano
See Niagara falls

TRANSPORTATION
Fly on the Concord
Go hang-gliding
Go in a hot-air balloon
Ride in a Submarine
Ride on a fan boat
Ride on a hovercraft
Ride in a blimp
Fly in a helicopter
Go on a cruise
Road trip from coast to coast in the U.S.
Drive a vehicle at a speed of at least 145 miles per hour
Go Parasailing
Go paragliding
Go windsurfing
Ride a cable car in SF

TRAVEL
Visit all 50 states
Visit all 7 continents
Straddle the equator
Walk on a glacier
Travel through the top 15 most populated cities in the US
Travel through the top 10 most populated cities in the world
Go to Easter Island
Visit to Stonehenge
Stay a night at the Gramercie Hotel
Go to the Louvre in Paris
Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower
Go to the top of the Statue of Liberty
Go to the top of the Seattle Space Needle
Go to the top of the Empire State Building
Visit a rainforest
Explore the Carlsbad Caverns
Visit the red wood forest in northern California
Stay the night in a lighthouse
Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge
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The Twelve Chief Rules In Love

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This list was taken from “The Art of Courtly Love” by Andreas Capellanus, a book that has been recently added to my wishlist.

The Twelve Chief Rules in Love:

1. Thou shalt avoid avarice like the deadly pestilence and shalt embrace its opposite.
2. Thou shalt keep thyself chaste for the sake of her whom thou lovest.
3. Thou shalt not knowingly strive to break up a correct love affair that someone else is engaged in.
4. Thou shalt not chose for thy love anyone whom a natural sense of shame forbids thee to marry.
5. Be mindful completely to avoid falsehood.
6. Thou shalt not have many who know of thy love affair.
7. Being obedient in all things to the commands of ladies, thou shalt ever strive to ally thyself to the service of Love.
8. In giving and receiving love’s solaces let modesty be ever-present.
9. Thou shalt speak no evil.
10. Thou shalt not be a revealer of love affairs.
11. Thou shalt be in all things polite and courteous.
12. In practising the solaces of love thou shalt not exceed the desires of thy lover.
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